don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
