the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize