Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
