So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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