A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
