Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
