Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
