Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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