we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
