we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
