You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
