it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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