i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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