We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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