i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
