If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
