I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
