Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
