my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
