Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
