the condom got lost in my hair
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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