I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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