wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
