I smell stomach acid.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
