dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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