overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
