dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
