jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
