the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
