Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize