Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
