all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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