There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
