so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You've changed since you got that strap on
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
