so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Randomize
