So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
