How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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