I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
