I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
