I CAN MOONWALK!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We talked him into tasing himself.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
