C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
