Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
