I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
