I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
