I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
