I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize