Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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