So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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