hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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