Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
