Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
