Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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