it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
