So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
