I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
