Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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