he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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