Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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