Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
