I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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