He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
