Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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