Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
