her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
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