Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
