New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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