Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My vagina just clenched in fear
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
