We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I didn't notice because vodka
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
